Seeing God in nature

say

Sometimes when I'm blue, I spend some time in nature to remember that I'm not the center of the universe. I've been working a 4th Step for quite awhile, waiting to meet my sponsor face-to-face to do my 5th. I thought I was finished, but alas, a new character defect has come to my attention quite suddenly. That character defect--inflexibility.

I loved my mother more than anyone on earth, I think, God bless her soul. But she was a trifle inflexible and I always found that trait extremely frustrating and saw the problems it caused in her marriage of 50 plus years to my father. I always swore I wouldn't be inflexible. But often when we say "I'll never be like her or him," we throw the baby out with the bathwater, and reject that person's good characteristics as well. I certainly didn't inherit my mother's wonderful trait of loving kindness; I've had to work on that trait.

I was a free spirit. I always was the little hippie dippy gal, running around the U.S. in braids and a knitted cap, living here and there, hitchhiking, on a whim, to wherever I felt I needed to be. I was not, I was sure, an inflexible person.

Okay, so I know when it comes to 2dogs, I am inflexible. That I will readily admit. I didn't realize, though, that I'm inflexible in some many other ways, nor did I realize the effects that inflexibility has on others in my life.

Last night I talked about this trait at a meeting. There was a woman visiting from a large city at the meeting who proceeded to give me all sorts of advice about what I should do (crosstalk, as I define it). I know when we travel out of our own element we sometimes think we can go to small towns and "set people right" with our superior experience, strength and hope. Frankly, it just annoyed me. But I digress.

I know what actions to take. This ain't my first rodeo. It's more in depth inventory and a call to my sponsor.

I wrote a letter of amends to a person who has been hurt by my inflexibility but didn't mail it because frankly, it digressed into a bit of an angry overtone, which is not what amends are about. Amends are "I was wrong; I'm sorry," not a "I did this but you did that, so you are wrong here, too."

So until I post again, have a great day. Fall is in the air in Missouri and frankly, I'm looking forward to it.

9th Step has consequences

Wherever I go, not only there I am but I read the local papers pretty thoroughly to get a flavor of the city. Yesterday in the Post & Courier, dubbed "the south's oldest daily newspaper," I saw an article that really gave me pause.

A 42 year-old man was just sentenced to ten years in prison with all but 18 months suspended for raping a coed in 1984. DNA caught up with him, you might assume, but you'd be wrong. William Beebe pleaded guilty to the 1984 rape as part of his AA 9th Step. He apparently wrote the victim a letter to "make amends."

Wow, I'm really taken aback by this one. Can you imagine how he could have weaseled out of this one? He and his sponsor could have decided an anonymous letter would have been sufficient, citing the 9th step proviso ". . . except when to do so would injure them or others." He is, he could well have rationalized, an "other," as is his family, if he has one.

I believe that victims have a right to face their attackers and this letter allowed the victim to locate him, although she apparently knew his name at the time of the rape. Her university, she said, was not helpful at the time of the assault and she did not press charges then.

I do recall people, in my early recovery, telling newcomers that we must be willing to face the consequences of our amends, even if it meant going to jail. Beebe, who is 13 years sober according to newspaper reports, will move to Florida once released from a Virginia prison.

Your thoughts?

I'm still in Charleston, but without a USB cord, which is not the worst thing I could be without, I guess. Until tomorrow, when I'll post some pics, have a great day. Oh, yes. Run any amends you owe by your sponsor first!