Did You Get More Than You Bargained For?

When I came into the rooms they recommended I write down on a piece of paper what I wanted in my life in one year. It was pretty simple. I wanted a roof over my head; to not use for even a few hours; to not have to hustle every day to figure out how to get more of the same substances that had stopped working a decade earlier; to maybe have a job; to use my writing talents; and to have my family's respect.

I got much SO more than I ever bargained for. Did you?

When I Get Overwhelmed

Yesterday I went up to my old house in Skull Valley, which has been rented now for about three years. The current tenant is pretty stable, meaning he pays the rent and keeps it clean. But boy, does he irritate me with his cavalier attitude about things. I've had to practice letting go a lot with this situation and in most cases dealing with tenants, who treat your things differently than you would. While he's not deliberately malicious, the decisions he makes are in his best interest, not in mine in the least. I guess that's the nature of being a landlord.

I had to have my decking roof replaced and it cost quite a bit more than I anticipated. Next comes a complete exterior paint job and that estimate blew me away. In short, I got very depressed and overwhelmed so the ride home (about 100 miles) was uncomfortable for both me and my fiancee. I couldn't articulate how I was feeling until later last night. Today I had to adjust my attitude by emailing my sponsor and counting my blessings: I have a tenant who pays the rent on time; I have enough money coming in to pay for the next repair; I own a rental home (and how many people can say that in today's economy?); and I have options.

Feeling overwhelmed is not a safe feeling for those of us in recovery. We are people who, by nature, get the "buckets of fuck-its" and feeling overwhelmed, for me at least, feels dangerous. So today I am grateful I know what to do when I feel like this:

• Go to a meeting
• Have lunch with a friend who has more problems than I imagine I do
• Call or email my sponsor
• Take a nap

This morning I got into action and called another painting company to get a competitive bid. That is the best option at this point.

Today, I have quality problems. How about you?