Monday, December 11, 2017


When I came into the rooms, my moral compass was shattered. My parents raised me with a strict code of ethics; however, they simply didn't translate into the world of addiction so I readily cast aside my moral underpinnings to live the life I chose.

People in the rooms helped me rebuild my compass. It started with simple "cash register honesty," giving back too much change to a cashier when overpaid, for example. Once with over a decade clean I stood at an ATM and the man in front of me left his card in the slot. I took the card and held it, while the man I was dating, a "normie," grabbed the card and ran after the guy, giving him back his debit card. I, in contrast, had to think through the dilemma to know what to do.

Today, I reflexively know how to handle situations where I must make ethical choices. You, my beloved tribe members, taught me that with love, patience and tolerance.

Tomorrow I'm flying across country to teach an ethics class. Think of the irony, I'm paid by members of my profession to teach business ethics. The irony.

This is the miracle of recovery: That we can get clean, lose the desire to use, and become productive members of society.

Friday, March 03, 2017

As We Grow Older, the Fabric of Our Lives is Mainly Memories



My mother taught me how to sew. We would often make a day of our shared interest – lunch followed by visits to our favorite fabric stores.
One beautiful spring Phoenix afternoon, we decided we would visit a wholesale commercial fabric store to look for material to make curtains. It was located near Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport, but to get there, we had to drive through Phoenix’s then combat zone, Van Buren Street.
We ate lunch then I drove over Van Buren, my mom’s foot on her imaginary brake she used when she thought I was following too closely, i.e., all the time. I turned right and headed south on a narrow north/south street to cut over to Jefferson to the store. Almost immediately after making the turn south, we found the street blocked by a two-door car.
We sat behind the car for a minute, watching as two young, stocky girls in leather shorts and halter-tops and the biggest wigs I’d seen since the 70s tried to get into the back seat of the sedan. A middle-aged man was behind the wheel, slightly turned in profile to us, holding the passengers’ seat forward. The girls apparently could not decide which one was going to get in the back seat. They had quite a spirited discussion, hands waving. They finally  traded places, apparently deciding who was going to ride shotgun and who was getting the back seat.
For what seemed like a long while, my mom and I sat in awkward silence watching this mini-drama. Finally, my mom, still staring straight ahead, said, “Say, do you think they’re on the prowl?”
I burst into laughter. “Yup, mom,” I replied. “I think they are.”
Finally, the girls situated themselves inside the car and it began to move south. We followed it until it turned right. We continued on to our destination – hundreds of bolts of brightly colored fabric, festive and tactile.
Phoenix still has a combat zone, but today’s its location has changed. Van Buren still sports the occasional working girl, but much of that area has developed into social services like the Salvation Army and Community Bridges, the detoxification center for addicts and alcoholics at the end of their trail. The sleazy, pay-by-the-hour motels that lined Van Buren like the LogCabin Motel, that devolved from a quaint western motif into a rent-by-the-hour (two hours, $25), X-rated movie-showing dump, have all been demolished or gentrified.
Just as Phoenix devolved, my mother faded into Alzheimer’s, the disease devastating her final years.  She has been gone for over a decade, but there aren’t many days that I don’t think about her. I miss her keen perceptions, her dry sense of humor, her robust laughter. These are what I remember about her, not the final days of her disease. Whenever I sew, the touch of the material, the soft whir of the sewing machine, reminds me of her, and I am grateful.

Saturday, February 04, 2017

Anonymity means where you go to meetings is your business

I spoke briefly the other day at an AA meeting. The topic was anger (not my choice; every meeting at that time slot each week discusses anger). After I shared my tale, and I'm always careful to follow the Traditions, someone I barely know and haven't seen in years spoke up.

"The last time I saw the speaker," he intoned, "was at an NA meeting." The chairperson, an oldtimer, and I both looked at each other thinking the same thing: "WTF?" 

"So much for my anonymity," I said. The chairman simply snorted, as disgusted as I was.

I'm still not sure what the speaker's point was, especially since I probably hadn't seen him at an NA meeting in 25 years or so. I let it pass and didn't bother to ask him about it after the meeting ended. I don't waste my time today with stirrers of discontent, which it seemed he was trying to do.

Here's my thought, though. What business is it of anyone's what 12-Step meeting you attend? Really, other than your sponsor, it's absolutely no one's business where or which meetings you attend.

I do the majority of my service work in NA because that's the program that saved my life. But if it hadn't been for AA, I'd be dead, because I have no doubt despite Jimmy K's wonderful gift of NA, he wouldn't have developed the 12-Step program that has saved so many lives without exposure to the Mother ship of AA.

I sponsor girls in NA, and if they have a problem with gambling, for example, I recommend GA. If they're having serious food issues, I recommend OA. I don't, like many NA members, feel NA has all the answers, at least not for every member.

I'm glad today I'm open minded enough to respect other members' anonymity. I was taught early that many things were "outside my hula hoop." Where others go to meetings is just one of them.

I hope you are all doing well. It's been a rough few weeks for America. However, we are a tribe, and tribes gather together for survival. 

Hang in there.