Monday, April 23, 2007

Heading home

I'm in Flagstaff tonight at one of my favorite hotels, Little America. I spent the morning watching 26 feet of furniture being loaded onto my truck. I've been without all this stuff for almost two years all together; I guess maybe I don't need much of it. It's amazing the stuff I've collected over the years. I think it gave me some sense of security, somehow.

I realized, though, as I was facing my mortality before the liver transplant, that it's all just "stuff." You can't take it with you. I learned that first hand. My sponsor has assigned me a new twist on the 4th Step. "Take a physical inventory," she recommended, getting rid of what I don't need. She was pleased I'd finally made the decision to get my things from Arizona. She also told me to use the two-and-a-half days I'll be on the road to talk with my Higher Power. That I can do.

I had a nice time in Arizona; I always do. But I'm also glad to be on the road home to Missouri. In addition to seeing my sponsor, I was able to see my good friend Pat who helped me so much when I was ill and has been a good friend for many years now. I don't think I would have lived if she hadn't been there to be my cheerleader when I was ready to give up and my advocate when the doctors were giving up on me.

I also learned that Diana Heywood, an old-time NAer and friend of our founder, Jimmy K., died yesterday from cancer. She was a unique woman and helped many, many addicts get clean, along with her husband Bill, who died from liver disease about five years ago. She was a good friend to me and to many Phoenix and Los Angeles addicts.

I would like to relate a few Bill and Diana stories, but suffice it to say, I know first hand quite a few addicts who probably wouldn't have stayed clean if it weren't for their tough love and tolerance. Any time you dropped by their house there was someone there, often sleeping on the couch detoxing. That's how Bill and Diana were. Their house was NA Central wherever they lived, in LA, Phoenix and later in Lake Havasu. Thank God for people in these rooms who are willing to go to any lengths to help addicts recover.

I know Bill will be waiting for Diana and that her Higher Power will welcome her Home. Until tomorrow, say a quick prayer that my journey is a safe one. It's the first time I've made the trip without a dog and I feel almost naked.


Anna said...

Welcome home :)

Syd said...

The story about Bill and Diana indicates how unselfish people can be and how that plays into helping others. I hope that you have a safe trip. Being dogless is a hard thing. I'm always glad to get home to mine.

lushgurl said...

Oh my Gawd... I absolutely adore rainbow pictures! Your trip sounded very productive and peaceful, good for you! Thank you also for helping me to stay clean and sober for another day! Love and safe trip home...

Meg Moran said...

I do pray that you are safe on the road..heading back to what you have obviously decided is "home" now.

Patrick and I try to be the kind of people that you have described in Bill and Diana. The rewards are many. We call our home Casa de la Moran...and more than a few have detoxed and lived there for short periods. I wish I had known your friends, I'm glad you mentioned them here.

I remember when I got all of my stuff out of storage after it had been parked there for years. I had thrown it all in there when I went into rehab. It was like visiting a time capsule of my wreckage. Very weird. I know this situation is different for you, but it still must be odd seeing stuff from a different time in your life...a painful challenging time. I feel gratefull that it is all behind you now, that you survived and that you are with us today.

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

Im in PutraJaya now, N. Come and see some pics on my latest updated post.

See you on Friday.

Anonymous said...

Safe travels. It never crossed my mind that you were doing this dogless --that is a tough one for sure. Two dogs will be happy to see you.
I never met either Diana or Bill but they are legends for sure because their names come up here amongst the TN oldtimers -- (and man, there are a ton of NA oldtimers here in TN, girl--a ton!)
G-d certainly blesses us with people like Diana and Bill. I know many got clean with their love and now Diana will be sorely missed as well.
Be safe, woman. We miss you around cyber land.