Friday, March 20, 2009

Compassion


Oz's dad, Bastin, taking a bite. Isn't he awesome?
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Well, the puppies are five weeks old but no pics yet. There was a scorpion invasion so they had to be moved up north for a few weeks. Pics will be posted Monday for sure. Check back. They are awesome pups and the pics will be wonderful, I know. Ms. Babawa is taking them, so look for them.

I have been having a lot of anger lately, not sure why exactly. It is something I have struggled with my entire life. As I mentioned before, I believed that once I got that lovely little girl's liver and faced death, this would somehow change how I perceived and reacted to the world. Well it did--for awhile!

I also know that what was a survival technique when I used -- anger -- becomes a glaring defect of character in recovery.

I have been struggling with a coworker who has some real issues, complete with a lot of drama and chaos, often directed at me. Yesterday I'd about had enough so I went to a noon meeting at the nearby homeless shelter. I walked in the door and on the chalkboard there they had these two words, with some pages to read: Anger / Compassion.

It didn't hit me immediately, but later in the day I realized that while it is relatively easy for me to be compassionate to the still-suffering addicts I come in contact with, and to a lesser extend family members, in the workplace I have clear expectations about how people will behave and time and time again, people don't behave as "Two Dogs Sees It."

So last night I hit another meeting on my way home and heard what I needed to, as I usually do. That is that removing my defects of character comes in God's time not mine. (You know "I want patience and I want it NOW!) All I can do is ask and be ready.

So what do I need to do when I'm trying to rid myself of these troubling defects? Exactly the opposite, and to me, today, compassion is the opposite of anger.

Last night I went to a business meeting and ran into an old family friend. Yesterday would have been my mother's 86th birthday. We talked a lot about my parents since he worked with them and knew them both very well. It reminded me that this person I am wrestling with, and yes, it is about egos on both our parts, did not have the benefit of the parents and upbringing and love that I had. She is not in a program that can give her the tools of life management that I've been so freely given.

I read one of Marianne Williamson's books, I think it was A Return to Love. In it she states that the person who is more spiritually advanced is the one who is responsible for the tone of the relationship. Hm, ponder that one awhile.

So it's back to square one and looking at me and my behaviors. In the end, that's really about all we can do, isn't it? Oh yes, and pray.

3 comments:

Meg Moran said...

taking the high road is sooooooooo hard sometimes. you are an inspiration to me for even being willing to try.

Syd said...

Thanks for the invitation. I'm sorry that you had to go private. I understand though.

vicariousrising said...

Great quote from MW.