Focus on the Donut, Not the Hole

I ran into my first sponsor at a meeting the other day and she is always full of great clichés and wisdom. She said when she first came to the rooms, she became upset because "so many people were relapsing." Her sponsor told her, "Focus on the donut; not the hole."

In a few days I'll be in the rooms 28.5 years. Believe me, I've seen a lot of people come and a lot of people go. This is not a program for the faint of heart, because it isn't easy to stay clean for years and years, through life on life's terms. But I joined the No Matter What Club a long while ago. The grace of God, at least three meetings a week, a continuous relationship with a sponsor, service, a support group, a belief that if I choose to use I'll never make it back completely -- these are the things that have kept me being part of the donut.

Last night's meeting topic was "miracles in recovery." Each one of us, if you used and drank the way I did, are miracles. I was never able to figure out why I got it when so many I loved could not. But I don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I stay active and don't take my recovery for granted.

These are the things that have worked for me for almost 30 years. You, too, are probably doing the deal if you're reading this. If not, why not? It truly is the softer, easier way, at least from where I sit.

Life Isn't Drama; It's How You Handle What Happens to You That's Drama

Bad things happen to people all the time. I have worked in an industry for almost three decades now that mops up after stupid. And "freak." And just plain, "I never expected that to happen." Maybe that's why I don't have a lot of tolerance for people who, every time something happens to them, hire attorneys to handle things for them.

Although negotiation is in our DNA (we probably survived long cold winters by trading and bartering meat, tools, water, etc.,), Americans by and large hate to negotiate. They have abdicated their responsibility to figure out how to rationally discuss difficult issues over to experts. They are willing to pay those "experts" much more than they are worth to do so, in my opinion.

But I get irritated by a couple things:

1. The belief that if something hits your car in traffic, and you're not really injured other than maybe an emergency room visit and a sore neck for a few weeks, you need to get an attorney because you just can't deal with the "hassle." In my experience, life is one hassle after another.
2. People who call and ask others for their opinion (and that person happens to be a female), she takes her time away from her job and life two times talking on the phone for a protracted length of time explaining how to handle things, then she is told, "I'm going to ask ________ what to do. HE said I need a lawyer." Then WTF are you asking me?
3. The belief that you are special because someone rear ends your car in traffic. That is just life on life's terms.
4. Throwing around the phrase, "My attorney" doesn't make you look important. In most cases, it means you are claiming to be helpless in matters you could certainly handle on your own if you weren't, let's face it, intimidated. 

My very direct advice to this person was, "It's time to put on your big-girl panties and deal with this. Unless, at almost 40, you want to call your Daddy to do it for you." 

I don't have the patience today for a lot of drama. Drama isn't what happens to you; it's how you deal with what happens to you. 

I hope you all have a great day. I feel a lot better now because I've gotten this off my chest.