Thursday, October 12, 2006

Every dog has his day


In August, Kosco, a police dog assigned to the Watertown, N.Y., force, was the first cop on the scene to bring down Mark A. Adams, 22, who had eluded officers for seven hours after violating probation for cruelty to his pet dog. [WWTI-TV (Watertown, N.Y.), 8-1-06]

Oz says "four paws up for Kosco!" He's home and happy! He was so glad to see me when I picked him up in AZ that he ran around my car looking for a way in. "I knew you'd be back for me, mom," his big brown eyes seemed to say as he rode shotgun the first 100 miles staring at me.
The station wagon was packed with winter clothes up to the brim so he got in the front seat and rode for a few hours, then commando crawled up on top of the clothes which I'd covered by a quilt and slept most of the next two days it took to get home. The ride across Arizona and New Mexico was beautiful. Recent rains had made the hills so green and there were abundant wildflowers. Texas and Oklahoma, well, that's another story, although northern Texas has its high points, including bluebell clusters here and there along the highway.
Romy was ecstatic to see Oz; he gave her a grudging tail wag but the jury is still out since they fought pretty badly in February and have been apart since. As one friend said to me afterwards, "You never forget a good butt kicking!"
Tuesday night I went to a meeting just a mile off interstate 40 in Oklahoma City and enjoyed it. It was a 1-2-3 step meeting and I heard a lot of good things about the process of "I can't; He can; I think I'll let him," which about sums up the first three steps for me.
I was in and out for about 18 months before I finally "got it," and had a hard time with Step One. I knew since my second drinking escapade at 16 at a desert party accompanied by a blackout that I was an alcoholic. What I could not see, no matter how bad things got, was the unmanageability of my life, the second part of the first step.
Today I know that steps 1-2-3 are a solution to any character defect I uncover, and believe me, this trip has been one entire uncovering of a major defect that until now I was unaware was so rampant in my life. I've learned that I'm really inconsiderate at times and unsure how to go about rectifying this problem. I have all sorts of excuses for why I am inconsiderate: I was the baby of the family; I have been single for many years; I never had children so I've never really had to take anyone else into consideration except me and my needs. Add having been out of work for 18 months and having no schedule, well, I've gotten to the point where I think the world revolves around me, and as a result, I've really stepped on toes and upset a few of the last people in the world I'd want to upset.
However, others rarely care about why we do things (our motives or our character defects) but only about how our actions affect them. So I have to make amends by saying "I was wrong, I'm sorry" as I was taught early on and not explaining why I'm still far from perfect.
I know the steps are a tool for every nut, including me, and it's all about as we learn better we do better. I talked with my sponsor's sponsor about how to fix this glaring defect and she said I had to "slow down and figure out who's involved and how your actions impact them." Now there's something you would think I could have figured out, but no, it takes making a big muddle of things sometimes before we see that our actions really do impact others.
When we offend people, we can make amends. However, as a result of our actions relationships sometimes shift and the relationship may never get right again. The tenth step never says that our amends will be accepted; only that we make direct amends. The rest is up to God and the others impacted.
So until tomorrow, I'm off to money management class (I've missed three weeks and will probably be the only person in the class more in debt coming out than going in, but that's life.) I just keep slogging along.


msb said...

Glad you made it home safe and sound

Gwen said...

Check out SoberRiders beautiful white Shepard

Glad your pup is home. Lots of driving.

Glad your blogging too.