Number one, I forgot my brother's birthday, although I've had a card laid out for him for a month. Then, and this if funny, I decided to listen to "The Secret," which I got on Amazon on CD. I put it in and sat down to listen. My mind was drifting all over the place when suddenly, as I was listening to this tape about the power of positive thinking, I thought, "What if it's scratched and I have to send it back to Amazon? I don't know where the receipt is." A few minutes later, sure enough, it started skipping. I'm not sure that was a coincidence, since the gist of the tape is that anything you can imagine good or bad will come to you attached to a big vat of glue and paste itself into your life. Or something like that.
Anyway, I've been alternately angry and sad today. I heard someone ask another member the other day when they were explaining how pissed off they were about something, "So what would you be mad about if that hadn't happened?" That struck a bullseye with me.
I've been working really hard at changing my negative thought patterns, reading Catherine Ponder and a few other teachers. It's a full time job for me, taming this mind which runs like a hamster on a wheel.
I shared at a meeting tonight about how I felt today; that things in my life were so messed up it would be better if I just gave up and used. Their eyes went really wide, but that's the insanity of our addiction and if we don't write or talk about, well, you all know, we're only as sick as our secrets.
I have few words of wisdom because I am such a fundamentally flawed human being. I realize that this blog is a big joke as I feel my life is, sometimes. But it's a cosmic joke and I have no choice but to keep slogging. Besides, I want to find out what happens at the end.
Until soon, take care and be sure and share at meetings all your insane thoughts so that newcomers' eyes will bug out like meerkats. We need to give them our experience, strength and hope.
PS Meg: Romy is allowed near the refrigerator only if I'm in attendance. Two more weeks!
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4 comments:
Jeeze I'm going to spend all day imagining my defects carrying a big vat of glue around :)
This was a good read for me this morning.
I see the meerkats now.....Bugging. WHAT A GREAT VISUAL. I will call you tomorrow... if your not to busy.
read my post at http://thewritethought.blogspot.com/2007/08/becoming-willing.html. It has one of those meerkat moments in about the thhird line down.
Some days I just feel so happy and content. I wonder if I'm sedated by the program because I feel so mellow. I know that the bad times can come again and are just a thought away but for today I'm content.
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