Thursday, March 17, 2016

Feeling unlovable

About two decades ago, I went to a seminar in Los Angeles with a friend of mine. I can't remember for sure who spoke, although I think it was Sondra Ray. The seminar had a huge impact on me; in fact, it changed my life.

The speaker talked of that one lie we all tell ourselves, that "believable" lie that we learned in childhood and which has shaped so many of our actions throughout our lives. She asked us to take a few moments and think, to recall the lie that we keep telling ourselves, that one key belief we have about ourselves that is ultimately false and holds us back. 

I didn't have to wait long. I knew what that lie was. It was simple. It was what I'd learned in my childhood in a home where one of my parents failed to value me as a unique individual and instead kept pushing me to be someone I was not. This was the lie: "You are unlovable."

Over the years, I've worked hard to dispel that lie and to act in ways that make me lovable, yet not at the expense of my own calling and my own uniqueness. But sometimes that old lie resurfaces and I have to take steps to dispel it from my thoughts.

Tonight I was driving to a meeting and thinking, "That old lie is really rattling around in my head." I had a few thoughts that arrived just after that realization. Here they are:
  • When I feel unlovable, it may be time to be more loving.
  • It may be time to call my sponsor and a few friends for a reality check. They love me. 
  • Spend more time in meditation.
  • Pray and ask God to find ways to make me be uniquely useful, which will help to banish those feelings.
Believable lies are powerful because they are so deeply ingrained in us. That I am unlovable, on it's face, may seem real because sometimes I am sometimes irritable and angry and I fail. I am not perfect, in fact, far from it. But people do love me and if I take the time to do the next right thing with love, then I will become more centered and more self-loving. It's a process of returning to Truth.

Isn't that what the program is all about? 

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