Saturday, December 08, 2007

Waiting for the ice storm

In a few hours, the year's first ice storm will be here in Missouri. It doesn't sound like it will be too bad, but a day or so in the house won't kill me. I've almost finished my finals, 3 research papers and am so glad to be through with the semester. Of course, moving means I'll probably have to transfer to another school, but right now I'm not worrying about that. It will all fall into place.

There's a process I go through when I'm moving from one place to another and perhaps the ice storm comes at a good time. Wherever I've lived in my life and especially in recovery, I've made many friends. But it's always hard to leave one place for another, even if, as in this case, I'm truly going home. As I listen to my friends and in this case my significant other (at least he's significant to me) talk about my leaving, I find I have to allow them to have their feelings and honor their sadness but suppress my own. There is simply no way right now I can process it.

It's not that I don't feel sad to be leaving, but I also feel like it's time, so that makes it easier. The hours I spent packing and sorting and donating give me ample time to process my feelings. This is what I have to do for my own serenity, this taking a job thing. And that means going to Arizona.

As we look back on how we've handled things, we can always, as my dad used to say, play "Monday morning quarterback." In retrospect, there were things I should have seen that I perhaps did glimpse but thought, "Oh, it will be different than that," or "We can work through that." Relationships are hard, there's no other way to say it. I wish I had done some things better, that's for sure.

I have a few hours before the ice storm starts, so I'd better head out to the store to buy food. Lately I haven't been cooking. Until I blog again, may your heart be light and your recovery easy.


Shadow said...

no matter what, there will always be something we regret, but time puts it into perspective and we live with it, don't we.

change is just as difficult! it's scary, to me at least, fear of the unknown. but you seem to have a good plan of working it through.

nice wishes those, thanks!

msb said...

You have such a gift, the gift of friends.


I love it when my recovery is easy....and it IS most of the time ;-)
I didnt realize you were going back to AZ until now. Ms. B needs you, so I am happy for her with your move. Hope it is good for you as well.

Meg Moran said...

this is HUGE, big girl stuff..thank you for showing how to take care of ourselves with Grace and Dignity..whatever it takes.

Shield said...

Well you will be in my prayers. Perhaps you need to let your next
"signifciant other" take on a larger role like "love of your life"...or something corny like that?

There are lots of people out there who are willing to love and help us....the rest is pretty much up to us.