Go back to where you came from . . .

a guy told me today when I was accidentally driving slowly the wrong way up a one-way alley. He walked out in front of me and I stopped for him, waving him on. He crossed then walked away. As he walked he started screaming at me, "This is a one-way alley, idiot." Because the weather is beautiful, of course, my windows were down.

"Okay," I said out the window, "But why do you have to get so angry?" I asked him. That was all it took. He came over and started screaming in my passenger window. "Did you know this is one-way?" he asked.

"Hey," I said, "I'm driving a station wagon here; I don't think I'm a criminal. If I knew it was one way, I'd be going that way."

"Well now you know," he said furiously. As he stomped off, because I had out-of-state plates on my car, he yelled "Why don't you just go back to where you came from?"

By that time, I had pretty much lost my temper (see The "B" Word, previous post) as only I can do. When I get really angry, there's some scary part of me that will go toe-to-toe with anyone. I know someday it may get me killed, but there you have it. I blame it on post-traumatic stress, but maybe I'm just a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

"Hey," I said, "I'm not the one with a New York accent here!" He didn't have anything to say to that and he stormed away. I made a U-turn and headed back the right way down the alley. God, I am such a criminal!

I don't know what's up with me lately, but I think I'm a bit of a looney magnet. It seems like all the idiots in the world that think it's their job to tell other people how to live/drive/eat/handle dogs have surrounded me.

But it always comes back to me and what I need to do about it. I need to force myself to walk away from jerks. He was looking for an excuse to be mad and I was as good as an excuse as any. If I had just turned around and driven away, I wouldn't feel like I felt after our exchange. I don't like to feel this way, this anger, this angst that comes from these unexplained hostile encounters. But at least I didn't have to get out of the car and get back in his face, which is what I wanted to do. That's growth, for me, at least.

Just for today, I'm trying to love me. And that jerk in the alley.