I always hear what I need

when I go to a meeting; it just somehow works that way. Tonight was no exception. I've been packing, it seems like forever, to head back to the midwest for a few months. I was supposed to have left Saturday, but when I went into the lab Saturday morning to have some bloodwork done, they said they didn't have the order from my doctor. So I was bound and determined to get it straightened out today so I could leave late today.

I called my doc's office early today and asked them to refax the lab order. When I got to the lab, there was still no order. It took me bursting into tears before a supervisor got involved and they discovered my transplant center wasn't faxing the lab order, they were faxing the results of my last lab tests. Well, at least they got the transplant right, at least I think they did. I'm still alive, anyway.

After that, I went to meet my friend and do some training with Oz, which was hard because Oz picked up on my angst and didn't behave well.

By the time I got home and started packing again, I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. I found myself thinking "I would rather drink than feel this way one more minute."
Now that is dangerous thinking. I decided right then that I wouldn't leave today and that meant I could go to the Old Shoe Group, which is only a mile from my house. Well, I got there, and of course, the topic was just what I needed to hear. It was "restless, irritable and discontent."

I was guilty of all three, and the chairperson picked on me to share first. I proceeded to unload about what a tough few weeks this had been. But when I share how bad things feel, I also come round to the solution, which in this case to stop taking everything so seriously and to take time to pray, which has hit the back burner with all the packing and cleaning and organizing.

Tonight's meeting was one of the funniest meetings I've been to in awhile. Everyone had a story to share about losing their temper, of which I'm often guilty, or just a histrionic recounting of the day's events, complete with self-deprecating humor. Then there's always the group optimist, who pissed us all off by telling us how happy she is. There's one in every crowd, I guess.

Meetings are where I go to hear the solution to any problem, big or small. I recall hearing early in recovery that there are no big deals, but this move is seeming like a big deal. I know once I get there I'll feel better, but right now, I feel restless, irritable and discontent. At least I did until I went to the meeting.

I'll get up early tomorrow to head east. And I think I'll remember to pray.