Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Hazeldon bombs --

Rejects my book. I'm disappointed but I will keep going. At least they did it quickly. I know that many great authors were rejected numerous times before their books found a home. Maybe there's hope; in any case, I will continue to keep working on it and sending out queries. As a last resort, I'll self-publish because I believe in the concept of my book and know that it will help others in recovery.

I have often wondered "Why am I here? What is my purpose in life?" I used to think I was destined for great things and maybe, had I been less distracted, great things would have happened. Or maybe great things have happened and I'm just not viewing them as great. I know that not only is my glass usually half empty, there's usually a hole in it. Gratitude is not my strongest asset by a long shot, nor is objectivity especially in regards my life.

I know that I have survived a great adventure. As one of the most spiritual people I've ever met said to me, "I've lived many lives in this life." So have I. My life has been an amazing adventure. It puts James Frey's A Million Pieces to shame because it's true. (In my opinion, any addict who read his book, as I did, would have said at the time of reading, as I did, that "This guy is full of it" because his tales of heroic dope-fiendism were so absurd.)

Just looking at Frey's picture spoke volumes and it was volumes of "This guy is delusional." He did not look like the tough guy he portrayed; more like the dentist who worked on his teeth, if that did occur. He has a softness in the face that belied his self-aggrandizing toughness. It shows who's editing books. They have no street sense, certainly, and probably very little life experience to detect total bull when they read it.

Dope fiends are by nature cowards. We're afraid of facing the world around us so we self-medicate. We're afraid of losing our supply so we do what we need to do to keep it uninterrupted. Frey was the ultimate coward because he sold out the truth to get published. I hope that he moves on in his life with greater clarity and self-honesty, because he can write.

Back to my book. This is part of the work I felt I still had to get done before I left the planet. Whoever ultimately publishes it, or if I self-publish, makes no difference. It's just easier to have a publisher who believes in it. I know my book will be published and I know it will help people stay clean and sober.

So until tomorrow, keep a positive attitude even when you don't quite believe that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train. And remember, if you get hit by a train, it ain't the caboose that kills you, so take it one day at time.


Anonymous said...

Our purposes in life are many. Often they are not as clear to us as they are to others. Likely there is someone very close to you who has been about to give up if not for your encouragement and the wisdom you share, along with your experience strength and hope. Keep doing what you are doing. We sometimes look at our purpose as being one big thing when often it is hundreds of smaller things. "Nose up and wings level"

tumblewords said...

Good luck with your book. I always wanna kick somebody when I get a rejection letter unless it's one of the 'nice' ones that makes me wanna hug a body. Writing is such an up/down thing - much like life. Your writing style is great.

Ellie said...

Yes, good luck with your book! Keep going..one day at a time. You will get it published because of your passion!