The meeting after the meeting

The other night in a meeting I used the word 'epiphany.' Wikipedia defines epiphany as a sudden realization or comprehension of the essence or meaning of something. The term is used .. . to signify that a person has "found the last piece of the puzzle and now sees the whole picture, or has new information or experience, often insignificant by itself, that illuminates a foundational frame of reference." To put it in my terms, an epiphany is a major realization, an awakening, a "Wow, that's why I do that" or "Yes, I had some part in that."

Someone in the meeting said "Hell, I don't know what an epiphany is, I can't even spell it." Another member, when it was his turn, said, "I think it's an organ and you can have it removed." We were all laughing by then and at "the meeting after the meeting," it was decided unanimously that we could have epiphanectomies if we needed them to remove epiphanies. However, there's probably no moving an epiphany if we keep moving forward in recovery.

By nature, at least in my experience, these major "aha" moments means a change in perspective, and usually in action. I call these major awakenings "bitter chunks of truth about myself," because they normally come to me after some turmoil or lack of acceptance. Remember the clique "As we learn better, we do better"? That's been true in my case.

When I'm going through "issues" in my life and I'm not happy with mine or someone else's behavior, sometimes I simply have to cut myself, and by extension others, a break. I sometimes in frustration will say "If I could do this one bit better, I would. At this moment in time I'm doing the very best I can" and try to remember others are, too.

I heard someone say in a meeting that "As a rule, others are doing the best they can and as a rule, it will never be good enough for me." Those words ring so true for me. We are all slogging through life, at least the majority of us, doing the very best we can. That includes me. So today, at 4:36 a.m. when I cannot sleep, I am going to cut myself a break, read a few chapters from a mystery, and stop thinking for awhile.