Sunday, August 06, 2006

Oh, sure, blame it on hormones!

Just in from the Sun, a bastion of journalistic integrity.

"Squirrel's just a nutter"

A mother was mauled by a vicious squirrel after stopping to show it to her children.
Martine Browne, 25, was bitten repeatedly on the hand and arm after it pounced on the head of her son Reece, three. The grey squirrel left her covered in blood on a path near their home in Swindon, Wilts. She was later treated in hospital.
Martine, who was also with stepdaughter Jasmine, six, said: “I’m still in shock. I can’t believe a squirrel would do that.” [I can't either.]

Squirrel expert Lindsey Maguire said: “This was probably just a particularly hormonal squirrel.” But apparently there are hormonal squirrels in New York, as well. Are they hormonal? Or is it just the frantic pace of the city driving them to attack? Here are a few statistics from 1981 in New York City. There were:

12,656 people bitten by dogs;
1,500 people bitten by humans;
826 bitten by cats;
60 bitten by wild rats;
81 bitten by squirrels;
52 bitten by hamsters;
37 bitten by rabbits;
18 bitten by raccoons;
18 bitten by horses;
17 bitten by gerbils (where?);
15 bitten by lab rats;
and 11 bitten by monkeys.
Apparently no one recorded whether these were male or female squirrels, horses, humans, etc., doing the biting. Sure, you can blame it on hormones, but we (at least the females) are smart enough to see through that.
Until tomorrow, never underestimate the power of a p.o.'ed mammal, regardless of sex.

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