As those who read my blog know, from time to time I get my undies in a big angry bunch and a few days ago was no exception. I truly believed after the liver transplant I wouldn't have problems with anger, but as my dear friend Louisa J. in Oakland (Happy 60th, girlfriend, I love you!) says, "It's like peeling the layers off an onion." Complete, I might add, with tears.
Anyhoo, I went to the Thursday night NA meeting where each week about a dozen new addicts arrive from drug court. Most of them are none too happy to be there, but each week as we learn their names and give them a "hey, welcome back" when they arrive, some of them start to warm to us, laugh at our lame humor, and even share in the meetings.
Most of us who shared Thursday had been around the camps awhile. The daily reading was about self-acceptance which led me to talk about my issues with anger and how it's "come around again," as I think I phrased it.
I shared a few of the things I felt had been a trigger, one of them the customer support from ACT Database (Boo) and the other thing the old guy who got in my face a few weeks ago and then Monday got really nasty with another of my friends complete with invading her body space, which sent me in another rip.
Like I said, just when you think you've dealt with the issue, ha! It isn't the "issue" it's the causes and conditions, isn't it?
Well, after the meeting this old guy there with a nudge from the judge pattered up to me and said, "When I was in before, my sponsor used to say to me when I got angry, "Who put you in charge of that?"
My eyes must have shot open, because boy, there was a moment of clarity! No one put me in charge of anything. All I need to do is watch my own emotions and keep them in check. God takes care of everything else.
Out of the mouth of babes sometimes comes the strongest reminder--God, not me, is in charge and I have to get out of my own way.
I missed the women's meeting this morning because Ms. Romy didn't wake me up. She needed her beauty rest, apparently. Have a wonderful weekend.
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4 comments:
My sponsor has told me before that I wasn't in charge of anything but myself and I can decide whether to react to someone or something or not. Anger for me is about fears. I can manufacture anger from fear in a heartbeat. And the fears are based on false evidence that appears real to me. I like what the old guy said--thanks for sharing that.
tremendous humility in your writing..you amaze and humble ME...just love you girl.
I have heard newcomers newer than I share something that is so full of wisdom that they don't even really fully understand how profound their comment was!
This program is so magical isn't it?
Peace,
Scout
Not nearly as magical as being handed someone else's undies in a bunch!
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