Step Two

My sponsor gave me an outline for Step Two, which is where I am this trip through The Steps. This outline speaks to the restoration of sanity from active addiction we received when we worked Step One, which leads to a natural vacuum. This vacuum is the unhappiness of "me." We may still not care for ourselves 0r may be acting the way we acted when we used and drank, except we no longer have the chemicals in our system to insulate us from the pain and consequences of our behaviors.

This step guide asks three simple questions.

1. What does "came to believe" mean and how it is happening [in my life]?
2. What is a power greater than ourselves? [I ask my sponslings to define their Power; what can that Power do in their lives? What can't that Power do?]
3. What is sanity?

Question 3 is where I always get hung up. As I reflect in my recovery, I see that many, many of the actions I've taken have been by definition "insane." How I handled money, many jobs changes due to bosses I found "unacceptable," geographics, relationships I entered into that I knew or soon knew were detrimental; all these things are definitions of insanity.

I'm doing my 2nd Step with my sponsor by phone on Saturday, who is in Arizona 1500 miles away. Better clarity comes from working The Steps.

I really appreciate my sponsor, who has stuck with me through many changes; many years, some of not working the steps (except the maintenance steps) with her; of crazy decisions I've made; all those things that may have made some sponsors "fire" me.

Thank God for sponsorship.