Friday, January 05, 2007

The believable lie

What is the core "believable lie" your subconscious tells you about yourself again and again? What is that voice saying to you, over and over and over? What is the recurring theme in your life?

Believable lies are just that; self-statements which, if taken at face value, seem believable but are in fact lies we began to believe about ourselves, often formed early in our lives. To change the spiral of negativity these thoughts perpetuate, we must first discover our believable lies and then gently push them away.

Try this exercise. After reading this paragraph, close your eyes for a few minutes, sitting quietly. Ask yourself this question. "What is the core thought that comes to mind when I sit with myself for a few minutes, the thought that constantly recurs in my mind when I'm discouraged, distraught with myself, can't sleep or in turmoil?"

If you hear that thought, the answer may surprise you. For me, the answer came quickly and clearly. "I am unlovable," I heard my mind speak. "No one will ever love me."

This exercise was a great discovery for me. It illuminated the problems I had in relationships; the feelings of inadequacy I carried despite a number of years in recovery; the need I felt to have everyone like me or something terrible would happen; the need to be a hero again and again, the need to be the best and the brightest; the fear of success to the point that I again and again sabotaged myself in my career and my writing. It came when I felt that if I stopped for one minute, my entire life would implode.

I tell myself many believable lies, most of them stemming from my one core self-denigrating belief. "This is the best it will get"; "I'll always be alone"; "I'm a failure"; "No one understands me"; and one of my most frequent, "I'll never be good enough, no matter how hard I try." These believable lies suck me into my own personal drama, a dangerous and isolating place for any addict to be.

I usually know today when I'm in stuck in the believable lie because I'm discouraged, quick to judge, angry, sleepless or somewhat depressed. But once I was aware of them, I've learned tricks along the way that have helped me counteract those thoughts with more positive thinking.

I sometimes hear that voice that says "You are unlovable." Today I have solutions: The Steps, a sponsor, loving friends in and out of the rooms; my s/o, who loves me despite myself; uplifting literature; and twodogs, of course, who love me unconditionally.

Those believable lies block us from self love and the discovery of who we really are, and hide our true purpose on Earth. Once I identified my believable lie, I could begin to become the person I was meant to be.


SCoUt said...

"I'm discouraged, quick to judge, angry, sleepless or somewhat depressed." You just listed everything I have been lately -- even BEFORE J.B. died.
Thank you so much, my dog, not just for this post, but for the awesome, loving feedback via email yesterday. You help me to stay clean daily. You are truly one of those who "believe in me and want to help me in my recovery."
Peace and Gratitude for you,

Meg Moran said...

ahhh, more is revealed as a result of 5th steppin! this is such a freedom from bondage.